Worldwide Fast, April 10, 2020 ~ my experience and thoughts

On April 4, 2020 in the evening session of general conference, President Nelson issued an invitation as part of the April 2020 Conference.  In his talk entitled, Opening the Heavens for Help, he said:

"Let us put our faith in the Lord Jesus Christ into action!"....

"So, during times of deep distress, as when illness reaches pandemic proportions, the most natural thing for us to do is to call upon our Heavenly Father and His Son—the Master Healer—to show forth Their marvelous power to bless the people of the earth."

"So tonight, my dear brothers and sisters, in the spirit of the sons of Mosiah, who gave themselves to much fasting and prayer, and as part of our April 2020 general conference, I am calling for another worldwide fast. For all whose health may permit, let us fast, pray, and unite our faith once again. Let us prayerfully plead for relief from this global pandemic.

I invite all, including those not of our faith, to fast and pray on Good Friday, April 10, that the present pandemic may be controlled, caregivers protected, the economy strengthened, and life normalized.

How do we fast? Two meals or a period of 24 hours is customary.

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 But you decide what would constitute a sacrifice for you, as you remember the supreme sacrifice the Savior made for you. 

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Let us unite in pleading for healing throughout the world.

Good Friday would be the perfect day to have our Heavenly Father and His Son hear us!"

As I watched our prophet extend this invitation, the spirit I felt was tangible.  I felt as if my chest was about to burst.  I was excited to prepare and to pray and fast on April 10th. 

On the 6th of April, three missionaries created a facebook page entitled worldwide fast April 10th and invited everyone to participate....and what happened next was so faith promoting.  By today it has almost 500,000 people on the page, from all different faiths, that were pledging to fast together.  It just makes my heart so happy to see so many people willing to come together and unite in a worthy cause.  Here is a link to the page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/534352464165662/?fref=nf

As I contemplated my fast and what kind of fast I wanted it to be, my thoughts went in a different way than "my normal" fast.  For me to fast for 24 hours is something I look forward to and as long as I have a purpose, it is enjoyable and not a huge sacrifice for me, it is a privilege.   As I pondered, I thought that I may do a 48 hour fast.  When President Nelson said; "But you decide what would constitute a sacrifice for you, as you remember the supreme sacrifice the Savior made for you."

I cannot ever repay what He has done for me, but I could give more than I ever had.  And so Wednesday evening I knelt down after dinner and began my fast.  I felt that same tangible spirit that made my chest want to burst, and I felt my Heavenly Father pleased because of what I wanted to do.  I have attempted before to do a 48 hour fast and it has been way to difficult for me, and I have not succeeded.  

 This time was different. 

 I think the first 10-12 hours of a fast are the most difficult.  Because for me the body is in control, instead of my spirit.  But as I was preparing dinner for my family on Friday, I felt so peaceful and no battle at all.  In fact, my stomach did not growl in hunger the entire 48 hours.  AS I turned my thoughts to my Father in Heaven and as my family began their fast, I felt a strength beyond my own.  I felt the strength of my spirit.  It is a beautiful feeling.  I did not feel hunger and very little thirst.  I didn't want it to end.  I felt the strength of millions fasting united in a beautiful cause.  And to be able to do it on Good Friday was an added blessing.  

A friend shared this with me today:

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"This week presents one of the most ironic/symbolic situations I have ever seen.

Sunday is Easter.  Thursday is Passover.

During the Savior's last week, he celebrated the Passover on Thursday, just before his crucifixion and resurrection.

The Israelites celebrated the Passover to invite God to deliver them from death.

And here we are...

Our prophet, President Nelson, invited the entire world to fast on Good Friday for an end to this pandemic.

What he didn't mention out loud, is that this means our last meal would be the Passover meal on Thursday night.

Our last supper before we petition the Savior of the World for healing, corresponds to the anniversay of HIS Last Supper.

And that Passover meal is THE symbol of divine rescue from disease and death.  

Coincidence?  I don't think so.  It is amazing.

The God we are praying up to foe deliverance at this very moment, is the one who gave us the Passover to remind us of His power to deliver."

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Isn't that powerful and beautiful.  I learned also that every Good Friday, the Catholic religion also fasts.  And the Pope and other religious leaders also asked for a worldwide fast. 

I am grateful to be alive at a time to witness miracles that happen daily.  I am grateful to be strengthened as others share their experiences and testimonies of the strength of prayer and fasting.  I am grateful for a member of our bishopric that has been in the hospital, that took a turn for the better, when all hope seemed gone.  I am grateful to experience this "pandemic" and all that it continues to teach me.

And this I know, I am a better person because of this experience.  

I trust my Heavenly Father and my Savior and know that this fast will bring results consistent with their will.  They see the bigger picture and am I grateful to be along for the ride.

Testimony meeting - "Momma if I go up will you go up too?'

Today was testimony meeting in Sacrament and I was attending with just my sweet Emma.  She is 16 and a JOY.  She has special needs and she brings so much happiness to all that know her.  We were listening to testimonies and one of the missionaries serving in our area shared about a difficult time on his mission and he was praying and just asking why he had to go through this and if it would ever get better.  And the thought that came was, tomorrow is Sunday and you can partake of the Sacrament and all will be okay.  I had tears running down my cheeks and could feel the strength of his testimony of how coming to church and partaking of that gift each week can "make our days better."  

So then my sweet girl, leans over and says, "Momma if I go up will you go up too?"  I nodded yes and she went right up.  I am always in awe at the children around us that get up so quickly and are so eager to share their testimonies.  I am grateful that when my daughter asked me, that I knew I could go up and bear testimony of what I knew.  

But, it hasn't always been that way.   Fifteen years ago, if my child had said the same thing to me, I don't know that I could have gone up.  I was in survival mode.  What made me think of this was a dear sister in our ward got up and bore her testimony about having faith and the desire to know.  And it got me thinking.  Fifteen years ago my world had turned upside down, but no one knew that.  As I said, I was in survival mode.  I went to church because I knew it would give me strength, but I had nothing to share.  I couldn't make comments, I had nothing to share in regards to my testimony.  I was looking strong on the outside, but was crumbling inside.  In fact, I often left church in tears.  The temple was an immense strength to me.  If I went each week, I could make it to Sunday and then I could make it to when I went to the temple and this cycle continued. 

 But, I kept going and eventually, the fears and tears faded, I discovered anew my testimony and I am where I am today.  BUT I did not get to where I am, because it was easy.  I have the testimony today, because I decided to stay true to my covenants, to keep going to church to partake of the sacrament, to go even when I had nothing to give, to go when I didn't know how everything would turn out.  There is such strength when we "stay in the boat" as President Ballard has talked about.  When we stay on the path.  

I have an invisible shelf that I often place questions I don't have answers to or things that come up and I am not quite ready to explore, and I just let my Father in Heaven know that they are there.  And some of them are still there, and others have been answered.  But, I come to church to renew my covenant and promise to my Savior and in turn He promises that I will have His spirit to be with me.  And that is my greatest desire, to have His Spirit with me.   And the love I have felt from Him NO MATTER WHERE I AM in this life, is beautiful and humbling.  

It easier now to look back and see how HE had me all along and during those hard times, HE was often carrying me.  I am just glad that I haven't given up on HIM, because I KNOW HE will NEVER give up on me.  

Peace that passeth all understanding - Phil. 4:7

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, 

shall keep your hearts and minds through Jesus Christ.  

This scripture has been on my mind today as I have thought about the last few months.  Especially the last week. 

I have been blessed to be a stay at home mom for 25 years and be with my children, and I have loved every moment of it.  I love being home, I love the opportunities it brings me to not only serve my family, but also those in my "little world."  

This summer as we were coming back from vacation, my friend texted me to tell me they had posted an opening for a part time custodian at Jordan River Temple.  I had volunteered many times to "clean" the temple and found great satisfaction in it.  

Up to this point, my children had been on two different tracks at their elementary, and this year, our elementary was going to traditional.  And then, I needed to get an tooth implant....so, the seed began that maybe I could work, just part time and help pay for that.   So, on our way back from Lake Tahoe, I created a resume and applied for the temple job.  

A few weeks passed and I hadn't heard anything, and I was at my sons elementary school and I have the thought, "ask if they are hiring."  So, I do and I am told they are hiring a lunch clerk.  My last job was a bank teller, so I was used to handling money and bonus I could see my son each day.  So, I went home and prayed about it and talked to my husband and applied for the job. A few weeks go by and I don't hear anything.  So then another friend tells me that the Police department is hiring crossing guards, so I try that and within 1/2 hour they call me and I go in and get hired.  I was just a sub, and it worked out well.  

Then my husband suggests that I call and ask the school if they have hired a lunch clerk.  So I do and tell them my name and I get a call the next day.  And a job offer soon after that.  So now I have two part time jobs.   Fast forward another few weeks and I am at the ball field and I get a call from the temple to be a custodian.  And this is the job that I really wanted!  And so I go in and get hired as an on call worker.  

I know many of my friends and some family think, what are you doing? And I know that comes because of their love for me.   But all I can say is I feel really blessed.  I have three jobs that work around having a family.  I can still be at the cross roads and I have a wonderful husband that works from home and steps in and helps as much as he can.  Which he is an amazing cook and we love when he makes dinner.  

Now I have always been one to encourage mothers to be at home...so for me to receive these answers it was a surprise to me.  

Last night, I was at a fireside and Wendy Ulrich was the speaker.  She was sharing about her decisions to decide on a major and basically received the answer, "I don't care which route you choose, I can work with either.  I am not concerned about your career, I am concerned about your character."  

I share this, because as I decided to take on these jobs, each time I prayed about them and if it would be okay to do with my family, the answer I received each time was, "Your family will be fine, you will just lose your free time."  And that was okay with me, because I was doing this for them.  

What's interesting is some goals that I had thought about,  were coming to pass as took on this new adventure.  AND the Lord was showing me how I could be His Hands in each of these jobs.  

That is just amazing to me.  Amazing that no matter what we choose to do with our time, He will use it to develop our character into what it needs to be and a bonus is He will also help us reach our goals in the meantime too.  

Now, I am not going to lie and say it has been all easy.  Because it hasn't, there are times I doubt myself and my work load and the balance of everything.  Because now I have regular schedules in each of the three jobs.  But, when my center is Jesus Christ, and I invite Him to be with me, He helps me carry this load.  And uses those closest to me to aid in that.  ( My family, my amazing children and my rock, my husband).  

And he blesses me with wonderful new friendships, opportunities to brighten 600+ childrens' day.  And at the temple I have had some very sacred and amazing experiences.  I am exhausted some days, but ya know what, thats okay.  I wouldn't trade what I have experienced for more sleep or more alone time.  And I even get to use my "creative" talent in the lunchroom on bulletin boards etc.  

No matter where we are in our life, no matter the jobs we have, the Lord will create opportunities for our character to develop and also use us to be an answer to another persons prayer.  It's pretty AMAZING!  And I am grateful for the ability to experience this PEACE that passeth all understanding. 

I can find JOY in Christ regardless of my circumstances

Come, Follow Me - October 14-20; Philippians

When I began to study this weeks assignment, I knew that I needed to share a talk I gave last Easter.  It shares some experiences that allowed me to do the things Paul talks about in Philippians chapter 4.

To find JOY in any circumstance in life.  So here it is.  Thanks for letting me share.

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In the childrens song Gethsemane, I love the chorus, where it says, 
 “Gethsemane, Jesus Loves me.” Jesus loves me, he loves each one of you.  
Everything he did and does is because he loves us and wants us to be with him 
and our heavenly parents again. He gave his life and was resurrected because of his
 individual love for each one of us. Isn’t that beautiful!

In Matthew 11:28-30 it says,

   “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart; and ye shall find rest in your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” 

   I wanted to explain some of the words to make it easier to understand, especially for the primary children.  When it says YOKE, a yoke is something that you put in between two animals, like a cross piece – something that hooks both of their shoulders together so that they can pull evenly as they walk together.

And also when he talks about – come unto me all ye that are heavy laden, heavy laden to me is all those things that weigh down on us.    And that could be anything as simple as being sad, having a hard time at school, not fitting in, being left out, our jealousies or fears, sickness, financial worries, losing a loved one, worrying about family members, stress of life, sin anything like that is something that is “HEAVY  on our shoulders” .

President Nelson has taught,

“You come unto Christ to be yoked with Him and with His power, so that your not pulling lifes load alone.  You’re pulling lifes load yoked with the Savior and Redeemer of the world, and suddenly your problems, no matter how serious they are, become lighter.”  

I LOVE THAT!

So Christ is saying,  

“Come unto me, bring me all your sorrows and sicknesses and I will help you carry them,   For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” 

This is because he has already carried everything.  He has already atoned for all of our sins, all of our sorrows or anxieties –every little thing that we will experience.  And so when we bring it to him AGAIN-- its not that he has to experience it again—his burden is light. But when we choose to YOKE ourselves with him, he takes it from us and helps carry that load. 

I love what president Nelson says and I know it to be true.

I would like to share a few personal experiences of when my burdens have been lifted as I have come unto Christ.

I like to call trials or hard times, experiences.  When Joseph Smith was in jail, in Liberty, the Lord taught him…that all these things shall give thee experience and shall be for thy good.  

So I had two identical experiences a decade apart. So ten years apart.  And the difference in them, in how I healed and how I allowed the Savior to carry me were complete opposites. 

 The first time I had the experience, I felt like I had to be strong,  That I needed to carry it on my own. Not reach out to anyone, I could do this.   I thought I was giving it to the Lord, but as I look back, I realize I was choosing to hold onto the hurt and hold on to things that were heavy, I was not YOKED with my Savior.  I was pulling that load by myself. I was trying to heal without fully reaching out to the one who could heal me completely. I also realized that during that time, I was inconsistent with my “essential things”.  Those things that draw me closer to my Savior. To me those are prayer, reading my scriptures , reading the words of modern day prophets, going to the temple. I was going maybe 4 times a year to the temple , at that time.   ANd this experience did slowly start me on a path to be a little better in the essential things. I did feel peace as I went to the temple, as I read my scriptures and did some of those things… but it was not consistent, nor constant.  And I felt little JOY.

     Fast Forward 10 years, I was given the same exact experience.   At that time I was in a better spot spiritually. I was much more consistent in doing those essential things.  I was attending the temple more regularly, I was taking time to learn and study of Christ. I was doing those things daily that I allowed the spirit to be with me.  And as I received this experience, I remember distinctly hearing the words, “I will take this if you will let me.” And I have thought about those words a lot. I will take this, IF YOU WILL LET ME.  It is always a choice to come unto the Savior and be YOKED with him.  

I realize  that the first time I wasn’t fully letting the Lord take it.  I was kind of wallowing in it and not letting it escape me. And this time, when I heard those words, I said, “YES PLEASE TAKE IT.”  Brothers and Sisters that next week was the most joyous I have ever experienced in my entire life. I constantly filled myself with things that brought light.  Immersing myself in the Book of Mormon, doing family history and listening to good music. I had a perma -grin on my face. I felt like I was floating on air. I was JOYOUS! 

 In the worlds eye, I should have been devasted…. But I was feeling pure, exquisite Joy. And that is what happens when we come unto our Savior. 

 Pres Nelson has said, 

“The JOY we feel as little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the FOCUS of our lives.” 

And I can bear testimony and add my witness to this truth.  Because I had two experiences that were exactly the same, but the results because of where I was focused, were completely different.  And what I also recognized was that when I was focused on my Savior, I had so much more to give. I was open to avenues that would help me in my journey of healing.

Where in my first experience, I didn’t feel like I could give anything.  There were a lot of tears when I was alone. It was difficult to put a smile on my face, church was difficult for me, and I would often come home in tears.  I didn’t feel as if I could share my testimony –I was in survival mode.  

I know that my ability to be able to give, was a gift from my Heavenly Father.  As I choose to let my Savior take again what he had already taken, I was able to have the strength to look outward.  

In Mosiah 4:20 King Benjamin says in verse 20, 

“Believe in God, believe that he is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all things which the Lord comprehend.”

I love that!  I love that because I noticed the second time because I was doing those things that our prophets and leaders have asked us to do—it brought the spirit into my life and it brought me closer to Christ. I BELIEVED and because I believed and let HIM take it,  HE did. In the eyes of the world, it is difficult to comprehend why I could experience JOY amidst such a trial. But I DID!

And the JOY that came into my life was definitely a gift. 

 In 2 Nephi 10:23 Jacob is speaking and he says,

“Therefore cheer  up your hearts, and remember that ye are free to act for yourselves --- to choose the way of everlasting death or the way of eternal life.”

We choose when we allow the Savior’s atoning sacrifice to work in our lives.  

Alma the youngers story is a great example of this.  Alma the younger persecuted those who were members of the church.  He was against the church. And he, along with the sons of Mosiah, went and secretly tried to destroy the church. His father Alma and others fasted and prayed that their hearts might be softened and change and the Lord answered that prayer, when an angel appeared in a cloud and spoke with a voice of thunder.  Now thunder can be kind of scary. I have been in thunderstorms when it shakes the windows. Well this shook the ground. And it shocked them and they knew it was from God. Alma was so shocked he could not move. He could not speak. They had to carry him to his father, Alma. And Alma, his father, when he saw him in that state, he rejoiced, because he knew that Heavenly Father was working on his son and had answered his prayers. 

But during these few days whenAlma, his father and the people were fasting and praying for Alma the younger, he was in extreme suffering for the pains of his sins.  He was in immense pain and sorrow, because at that time, he had not come unto Christ , he was not YOKED with His Savior. And during that immense pain, he remembered that His father had taught him about a Savior that would come and atone for the sins of all.   And at that moment when he thought that, he cried out, “O Jesus thou son of god, have mercy on me.” And the minute he said that the pain was gone, the minute he said that he felt joy and that is the power of Jesus Christ, the power of even speaking His name. The power of coming to him.  He will take what he has already taken for us, over and over and over and that is a beautiful gift.  

He knows how to comfort and succor because he has experienced everything.  

In John 16:33, it says, “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”

Another experience I wanted to share that helped me come unto Christ was that the Lord can help us overcome our weaknesses.  

We are promised in Ether 12:27,  that if we come unto Christ and are humble and teachable , his grace is sufficient that He will make our weaknesses strengths.  

I know this is true, when I am in a weakness, whether it’s in a family relationship, in a calling, or when I just don’t know what to do, that’s when I am humble and that is when I put on that YOKE with my Savior and allow Him to teach me and strengthen me and make that weakness a strength. 

One experience I had with a daughter, I wanted to share because it illustrates this.  

One day I was in the car with one of my daughters and we were having a tense discussion. For a little while in high school, this daughter and I kind of butt heads.    I don’t even remember what our discussion was about, but I remember asking her why she treated me the way she did. And she said, “it’s because you do this”. I don’t remember what she said, but I replied, “no I don’t.”  and then continued driving, and immediately the thought came, “YES YOU DO?” And I began an internal dialogue, and said “I DO”-- “YES YOU DO THAT.” And I like, “OHH, okay but I can change that…I can change me…I can do anything through Jesus Christ who strengthens me.”

  So I worked on me. And what was interesting was working on myself, coming unto my Savior, changed that relationship.  It wasn’t anything she did. I changed..because I sought the Lords help in knowing what I needed to change.  

What is so wonderful  about the Saviors Atoning Sacrifice is that he so lovingly shows us where we are, even if its uncomfortable.  And when we yoke ourselves with him he is able to make those weaknesses a strength.    

In the Doctrine and Covenants, section 88 verse 63 the Lord PROMISES

“Draw Near Unto me and I will draw near unto you; Seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask and ye shall receive; knock and it shall be opened unto you.”  We have to act to come unto him. His hand is always outstretched, all we have to do is reach for it.

The Atonement of Jesus Christ gives us an eternal perspective.  These experiences that I had, I was able to give and heal and become whom my Heavenly Father needs me to become –because of my eternal perspective.  When we are in a wordly perspective we are limited to our healing and when we can be of good cheer when trials come.  

It is my testimony that the most important thing we can be doing right now, TODAY, brothers and sisters is coming unto Christ.   We need to Come and Follow Him. That invitation Come, Follow ME – He is not expecting us to be perfect, and we are going to have hard days.  My spiritual growth goes up and down ----I do really really good and then I don’t –I do really really good and then I don’t. But that is just part of this beautiful life.   We are going to have ups and downs. And we are going to find out what works and what doesn’t. But as we come unto our Savior as we take the opportunity to come unto him and say,

 “I need thee every hour most gracious LORD, I need thee , oh I need thee, every hour, sometimes every minute, I need thee.

Oh bless me now my Savior, I come unto thee.”  

As we come unto Christ, I promise you, He will be there!  Always and Forever, no matter where we are in our life. 

In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen

Hope that comes from LOVE

Today we started another general conference challenge and the talk was the first one given was given by Elder Soares entitled,  How can I understand?  I remember distinctly how I felt as I listened to him speak and immediately receiving answers to some of my questions.  I  have an amazing family both extended and immediate and I love seeing them discover what they believe and what they want out of life. At times my heart also aches for blessings I see that they are missing in their life. The last few years and months I continue to be taught that the most important thing I can do is to LOVE them, exactly where they are and for exactly who they are.

As a mother, lately, each morning I think, "Today I am to LOVE all those within my path."  Doesn't that simplify things.  To be PRESENT and to SEE them.   My days have been very fulfilling when I think and act this way.

I wanted to share some insight,  that I have been taught by others and by the spirit.


This was shared with me from a dear friend about their daughter. I loved it and it puts into words what I have been taught.
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"As I have prayed about this, as I have prayed about you, as mom and I have talked and prayed about this, as I have gone to the temple and sought answers I have received very distinct and powerful revelation regarding you. The Lord has basically told me - Look as Your child was growing I have given you, over the years, great insight into her true nature and character.

I have given you glimpses of her greatness and majesty.

You have great belief and confidence in her.

However, if you allow yourself to overly worry and agonize about her salvation those are wasted energies and it is something that does not come from me.

That type of worry is in direct conflict with the belief and confidence I have helped you to gain. Satan will try to use those wasted energies to build judgment, strain, and conflict in your family
instead of acceptance, love, and harmony.

If you trust her to run her life then you should also trust her to work out her own salvation with
me.

Remember, she is my child before she was your child. Don’t ask me to help you with your child. Instead, ask how you can help me with my child. You love her with all you have, and yet I love her more than you are even capable."
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Isn't that so beautiful! I trust my Heavenly Father, Heavenly Mother and Savior so much. It gives me hope to have the knowledge that they LOVE my children and family even more than me. And especially more perfectly than I ever can love.

Recently, while praying for guidance for my family, I received this:

Heavenly Father has taught me that HIS time is not the same as mine. And even if it has been years that my loved ones have chosen to forsake their faith, in HIS time it is only a few minutes.

He has taught me that this life is a very small part of eternity and that my job is to stay true to my covenants. And to do all I can to be obedient and keep those covenants. And then LOVE my family exactly where they are. Because that is how I will become whom the Lord needs me to be.
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Elder Soares said this last conference:


Maybe some of you are at this exact moment asking yourselves, “Elder Soares, I have been doing all these things and have been following this model both individually and as a family, but unfortunately, some of my friends or dear ones have distanced themselves from the Lord. What should I do?”

For those of you who are right now experiencing these feelings of sadness, agony, and maybe regret, please know that they are not totally lost because the Lord knows where they are and is watching over them. Remember, they are His children too!

It is hard to understand all the reasons why some people take another path. The best we can do in these circumstances is just to love and embrace them, pray for their well-being, and seek for the Lord’s help to know what to do and say. Sincerely rejoice with them in their successes; be their friends and look for the good in them. We should never give up on them but preserve our relationships. Never reject or misjudge them. Just love them!

The parable of the prodigal son teaches us that when children come to themselves, they often desire to come home. If that happens with your dear ones, fill your hearts with compassion, run to them, fall on their neck, and kiss them, like the father of the prodigal son did.

Ultimately, keep living a worthy life, be a good example to them of what you believe, and draw closer to our Savior, Jesus Christ. He knows and understands our deep sorrows and pains, and He will bless your efforts and dedication to your dear ones if not in this life, in the next life.

Remember, brothers and sisters, always that hope is an important part of the gospel plan."
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HOPE is essential in this beautiful, crazy life we are blessed to experience.

This is the last thing I wanted to share today.

Elder Eyring from April 2019 conference:

“You will find some of your greatest joys in your efforts to make your home a place of faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and a place that is permeated with love, the pure love of Christ. The Restoration of the gospel started with a humble question pondered in a humble home, and it can continue in each of our homes as we continue to establish and practice gospel principles there. This has been my hope and my deepest desire since I was a little boy. You have all had glimpses of such homes. Many of you have, with the Lord’s help, created them.

Some have tried with full heart for that blessing, yet it has not been granted. My promise to you is one that a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles once made to me. I had said to him that because of choices some in our extended family had made, I doubted that we could be together in the world to come. He said, as well as I can remember, “You are worrying about the wrong problem. You just live worthy of the celestial kingdom, and the family arrangements will be more wonderful than you can imagine.”

I believe that he would extend that happy hope to any of us in mortality who have done all we can to qualify ourselves and our family members for eternal life. I know that Heavenly Father’s plan is a plan of happiness. I testify that His plan makes it possible for each of us who has done the best we can to be sealed in a family forever.

I know that the priesthood keys restored to Joseph Smith were passed on in an unbroken line to President Russell M. Nelson. Those keys make possible the sealing of families today. I know that Heavenly Father loves us, His spirit children, with a perfect love. I know that because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we can repent, be cleansed, and become worthy to live in loving families forever with our Heavenly Father and with His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ. I so testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.”

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I share these with all the love in my heart. I am so grateful for modern day revelation that comes to our leaders and to us as well.

I know that as we love as the Lord does, hope comes naturally. HAve a happy day!

Reading the Book of Mormon

       It was interesting to watch my journey as I read the Book of Mormon as the prophet invited us in October to do.  In a nutshell, this was my experience:

• I began super motivated, was reading about 10-15 pages per day.  I had the Book of Mormon by me constantly, was feeling the sweet spirit it brings and doing great.  
• A few weeks into November, my girls had tonsillectomies and so my reading slowed.  I wasn't as consistent as I should of been, but I was doing it.
• I had a week in November that I visited my sister, and got to read quite a bit.  I didn't have any distractions, and I did great. 
• December was an up and down challenge.  I still read, but it wasn't every day and all of a sudden it was a few days before the end of the year and I had a hundred pages left.  These are some questions I asked myself, "How did I let this happen?" "Why can't I be more consistent?"  " How am I going to finish?"  "Even if I don't finish at least I tried."  and on and on.
• I knew that even if I didn't finish by December 31st, the Lord still loved me the same, that I wasn't a failure and that the most important thing was that I was doing it, even if I was inconsistent.  
• I wanted to finish, and as I have found, when I really want to do something when I include the Lord, I can accomplish it.  I finished reading on December 31st at about 10 am.  

     As I look back at my my experience, I realize, this is my life.  I am consistently not consistent.  But, I am trying.  And as Jeffrey R. Holland said, we get credit for trying, even when we don't succeed.
     My challenge in this life is how to make time for the essential things and to not get distracted.  What is amazing is that my Savior and Heavenly Parents are always there.  Always ready to assist me in this journey.
     I loved reading the Book of Mormon.  I loved feeling the spirit as I read.  I loved recognizing the difference in myself when I read and didn't read.   I loved learning over and over how important it was to keep the commandments and how we are blessed when we do.  I loved seeing that with God nothing shall be impossible.  I loved being reminded that I have experiences that I need to write down and that I need to do it.  I love reading of the Savior's visit to America.  I actually read it a little different and so I ended with 3 Nephi.  It was beautiful.
     I know that the Book of Mormon is another testament of Christ.  It talks of him on almost every page.  I know that as I read it, my relationship with Him grows closer and more intimate.  I know that it is true.
     I am grateful for the challenge President Nelson gave us.  I know it helped prepare me to be ready to start the Come Follow Me and it just helps me be the best me.  Because no matter if I remember everything I read, when I read the Book of Mormon, I can feel the spirit.  And that is the most important thing to have with me each and every day.  It is rewarding and motivating to know where to go to get that spirit back each day.  

Come Follow Me

        About in August 2018, I received a new calling, primary president in our ward.  I am humbled for this opportunity to serve.  It has been amazing to me these last few months, what the Lord is teaching me.  He is refining me in only the way he can.  I find it empowering when He shows me my weaknesses and teaches me how to make them strengths.
      I was so excited for the new "Come Follow Me" curriculum to come out, but when I received this calling, it became even more important to me.  We received a training within the Stake to answer questions we had.  And then on December 16,  we as a ward were going to have a training on the new curriculum.  I was invited to be a part of that.  To explain the program for primary, the changes, etc.  My biggest desire always is to do the will of the Lord.  I was excited to learn more.  But, I have to be honest and share that for a moment, I also got overwhelmed.  I needed to do the home and individual study, read the primary manual and understand it, finish the challenge to read the Book of Mormon and make sure I was fulfilling my calling, and most importantly, fulfilling my stewardship as a wife and mother, my most important calling.  One day I was feeling this and pondering, and the thought came.  "Breathe!"  "You are making this so much harder than it needs to be."  "Try it out."
       And so I did.  I took a few weeks to try the new "Come Follow Me" program.  And what I found is that it is a very simple program.  That anyone can do it.  That it is for the seasoned member and also the newest member.  I love how it presents a different way to study.  One that provides the opportunity to have conversations and discussions.  It has changed how I read and think about the scriptures.
      In Primary, we learn the articles of faith.  The 9th article of faith states, "We believe all that God has revealed, all that he does now reveal, and we believe that he will yet reveal, many great and important things pertaining to the kingdom of God."  We are witnessing this.  We are witnessing what the early Saints witnessed as continued revelation comes to our Prophet, so that we can become whom the Lord needs his church to be.  So that he will recognize us when he comes. 
         So, as I was preparing for the "Come Follow Me' presentation, my heart was drawn out in prayer.  I wanted to express what my father wanted me to say.  I had studied the program and was finalizing what I was going to share and then one night, the week before, I had a dream.  In this dream, I was back in high school and it was track season.  I was at a track meet, I was dressed in my uniform, getting ready for a race.  I got distracted for a moment and all of a sudden realized, My race was starting and I wasn't there.  The starter was saying, "on your mark..."  I grabbed my spikes, trying to put them on as I ran, thinking "I've missed it."  As I got closer, I noticed that the started had paused to allow me to join the race, and I did.  And that was my dream.  I have a lot of track dreams :), this is the first time that I asked what it meant.  As I pondered this, this is what I received. 
       Natalie, this race is important.  I need you in this race.  You are going to get distracted, I need you to try not to get distracted.  But, no matter when you join the race, I will be waiting for you.  You can always join the race.  I am ALWAYS with you, watching for you.
       As I have studied, I realize that the Lord just wants me in the scriptures every day.  No matter how much or how little.  He wants me to be consistent, but knows also that it is easy to get distracted from the essential things. 
       My family and friends, as we do this program, it will not be perfect.  We are going to have weeks we do awesome and other week not so much.  And that is okay.  The important thing is that we are trying.  What works for one may not work for another.  We can assist each other and sharing what works.  But no matter what, never give up.  Keep trying, we will succeed.
      I am learning that the Lord wants time with me, with us.  He wants to abide with us as we go on this journey in mortality.  We live in a joyous and glorious time of revelation.  I am grateful to be apart of this history.  I know that President Russell M Nelson, is God's prophet in these latter days.  I look forward to following him as he reveals that will of our Father.

Side note:  It is now January and the program has begun.  We were out of town when we were supposed to begin and the first week in January was crazy, but isn't every week.  Finally, on Saturday, we sat down with those that were home, about 1/2 our family and discussed the parable of the sower.  It was great.  I am learning that a coloring page about what we are learning helps my family be focused and more quiet.  And they like it.  Could I be upset with myself for only doing one day, absolutely.  Could it have been better? Absolutely.  But I am okay with our efforts.  It will get better, the important thing is we are in the race. 

Alma 36 - The POWER of Christs' name

I have been studying conference talks from the October 2018 general conference each day along with my Book of Mormon reading.  I love when they testify of each other.  Today as I was reading of Alma the younger, testifying to his son Helaman about his experience of being born of god, he shares that after he saw an angel, he could not move.  For three days and three nights he says,"I was racked, even with the pains of a damned soul."

17 And it came to pass that as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world.

18 Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart:  

O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death.

19 And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.

20 And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!

21 Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy.

There is power in Christ's name.  Alma remembered what he was taught, and chose to reach out and ask for mercy, and as he THOUGHT this, he could remember his pains no more.  This is how merciful and forgiving our Savior is and the power that comes by just thinking or saying his name.  

"The Savior's name has singular and essential power.  It is the only name by which salvation is possible." April 2018 Ensign, page 44

And then this on page 99 of the April Ensign from Elder Robert C. Gay.

One of my favorite scriptures is John 4:4, which reads, “And he must needs go through Samaria.”

"Why do I love that scripture? Because Jesus did not need to go to Samaria. The Jews of His day despised the Samaritans and traveled a road around Samaria. But Jesus chose to go there to declare before all the world for the first time that He was the promised Messiah. For this message, He chose not only an outcast group but also a woman—and not just any woman but a woman living in sin—someone considered at that time to be the least of the least. I believe Jesus did this so that each of us may always understand that His love is greater than our fears, our wounds, our addictions, our doubts, our temptations, our sins, our broken families, our depression and anxieties, our chronic illness, our poverty, our abuse, our despair, and our loneliness.  He wants all to know there is nothing and no one He is unable to heal and deliver to enduring joy.

His grace is sufficient.  He alone descended below all things. The power of His Atonement is the power to overcome any burden in our life. The message of the woman at the well is that He knows our life situations and that we can always walk with Him no matter where we stand. To her and to each of us, He says, “Whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but [shall have] a well of water springing up into everlasting life.”

In any of life’s travels, why would you ever turn away from the only Savior who has all power to heal and deliver you? Whatever the price you must pay to trust Him is worth it. My brothers and sisters, let us choose to increase our faith in Heavenly Father and our Savior, Jesus Christ.

My mission in this life, is to remember this as I strive to come unto Him.  The adversary loves to discourage and help others' lose all hope.  I have the opportunity each and everyday to share this truth, to believe this truth and to teach this truth.  I have felt this instant healing as I have allowed Him to take what He has already taken.  It is beautiful and so JOYFUL. 

Elder Gay continues, "My prayer is that we will faithfully take upon ourselves the name of Jesus Christ -- by seeing as He sees, by serving as He served, and by trusting that His grace is sufficient to deliver us home and to enduring joy."

He is so willing to replace our troubles and heart aches with JOY.  We just need to reach out to him.  It is as simple as that, just as Alma thought His name, he was healed.  The adversary wants us to believe that we are not worthy to speak His name, but that is a lie.  We can always rely on Him, forever, for always, no matter what.

Questions are good

As I read the scriptures, questions often come to mind.  Why did they say it that way?  Do they mean this or something else?

Let me give you an example.  In Ether, the brother of Jared has such great faith that when he sees the finger of the Lord, that the Lord shows himself to him.  And then Christ tells him who he exactly is.  So that there is no question. It is a beautiful account of his calling and election made sure.

In Ether 3:17, it states:

"And now, as I Moroni, said I could not make a full account of these things which are written, that Jesus showed himself unto this man in the spirit, even after the manner and in the likeness of the same body even as he showed himself unto the Nephites."

I am going to share my thought process. This is what goes on in my head, at least what did when I read this the other day. :)

If he saw him in the likeness of the same body as the Nephites, does that mean he was a resurrected being.   Oh wait it says, unto this man in the spirit.  Okay so what does that mean?  Thinking..... my thoughts go everywhere

 So, this is like 1400 years before Christs birth.  But he appeared to Him in the likeness of the same body as the Nephites.  That would mean that his spirit was as a grown man.  I wonder if anyone has any insights about this.

Now there is an amazing App, my dear friend Karie shared with me.  It is called the citation index.    It has the scriptures on it and you can click on a scripture and it will share any talks that have referenced it.  So, I did that and this is what came up.

Two talks came up from Joseph F. Smith and Orson Pratt.  This is what I learned.  That Christ has testified and taught while in the spirit.  I knew this, it made sense, but these witnesses added to my testimony.   That when Christ was in the tomb he went to the spirit world and taught all that had not heard the gospel.  Orson Pratt had some good insights as well.  He talked about how our spirits were in a mature state and that they conform to the size of an infant.  When we are first born,  our spirits need to be housed in a body that we will need to grow into.  But, our spirits are full grown.  But, because of the veil, we begin as infants.  Does that make sense?  He said it more clear. 

There is so much more, but in a nutshell, that is what I learned.
And it rang true to me.

My purpose in this post, is to say, QUESTIONS ARE GOOD.  They get you thinking and pondering and searching.  And when I do that I receive clarity.  I have read that scripture many times before, but this time I have a deeper understanding.

This is the talk from Orson Pratt

Revelation on the Judgments of the Lord—Firstfruits of the Resurrection—What Becometh of the Souls of Men—Redemption Universal.

Discourse by Elder Orson Pratt, delivered in the First Ward Schoolhouse, Sunday Afternoon, Dec. 28, 1873.

Here is an excerpt:

Here was the redemption of a man restored back again into the presence of the Lord while yet in the flesh; he saw with his eyes what he had before seen by faith. Then the Lord said—“Behold, I am Jesus Christ. I am the Father and the Son. In me shall all mankind have life, and that eternally, even they who shall believe on my name. Ether 3:14Behold, this body, which you now see, is the body of my spirit; and all men in the beginning have I created after the body of my spirit.” Ether 3:16 Notice now, they were created after the same form and fashion, and no doubt attain by growth to similar dimensions as the body of his spirit, without flesh and bones. The expression is, “All men in the beginning” Ether 3:16you were there, all this creation were there; all the inhabitants of the earth who now live, all that have lived, and all that will live in times to come, were all created after the body of his spirit in the beginning before this world was made. 

When all these spirits were sent forth from the eternal worlds, they were, no doubt, not infants; but when they entered the infant tabernacle, they were under the necessity, the same as our Lord and Savior, of being compressed, or diminished in size so that their spirits could be enclosed in infant tabernacles. If their bodies die in infancy, do their spirits remain infants in stature between death and the resurrection of 
the body? I think not. Why not? Because the redemption must restore everything to its natural order. Alma 41:2,4 If they were of the size and stature of manhood or womanhood before they entered into the tabernacle would the redemption be complete, when they came out of that tabernacle, unless they were restored to their former dimensions? I think not; there would not be a full restoration, and consequently, there would seem to be an imperfection in the plan. There are some of our brethren and sisters, perhaps, who are very anxious to see their little children after they depart this life. The Lord sometimes gives them a vision of their departed little ones, not of their spirits, but as they will appear in the morning of the resurrection, in order that they may know and recognize them. But supposing that he should show them the spirits of their little children as they are after leaving their infant tabernacles, would they be satisfied? I think not. Why? Because I think they would not recognize them, for I am of the opinion that the spirits of children who die here regain their former dimensions of manhood or womanhood, and hence if you were to see them you would perhaps be disappointed. But by and by the resurrection will come, then these full grown spirits, who have died in infancy here, will again enter into the infant tabernacle, and they will come forth as infants, as they were at the time they laid down their bodies; then their parents will have no difficulty in recognizing them. 

There is quite an anxiety at the present time, about one thing, connected with the resurrection, and that is, will those spirits, whose bodies died here in infancy, when reunited with their infant bodies, remain of that stature through all the ages of eternity? There is a sermon of the Prophet Joseph Smith, reported by longhand reporters, in which it is stated that resurrected infants will forever remain infants. But I doubt very much in my own mind if those who reported that sermon got the full idea on this subject; and if they did, I very much doubt whether the Prophet Joseph, at the time he preached that sermon, had been fully instructed by revelation on that point, for the Lord has revealed a great many things to Prophets and revelators, and among them to Joseph Smith, the fullness of which is not at first given. For instance, in baptism for the dead, in Joseph's day women were baptized for men, and men for women as well as for men. The Lord had at first revealed a few things to him, showing that baptism for the dead was a true principle, without giving him all the particulars at once. But he continued to enquire of the Lord, and he received more and more in regard to this principle. So in regard to the resurrection, there may have been many things revealed to him that were true, and others upon which, without having revelation, he would draw his own conclusions, until it should please the Lord to give further revelation. There is no revelation given that gives us a full knowledge upon that point—but I will give you my reasons, merely as reasons, to show that they who die here in infancy will grow up to the full stature of manhood or womanhood, after the resurrection. I do not say that it is so, but my reasons for believing that they do are these: How could they be restored completely to all that perfection of manhood and have a perfect tabernacle, adapted to the dimensions of the spirit 
as it existed, before it came here, unless their bodies should grow up from a state of infancy, and be sufficiently enlarged to become a perfect house for the fullgrown spirit, whether man or woman? I have heard, whether it be true or not I do not know, that before Joseph was martyred, he had obtained further light and information on this subject, to the effect that there would be a growth after the resurrection. How this may be I do not know, and it does not particularly matter; still it is something that we have the right and the privilege of reflecting upon, for there is no harm for any man or woman letting the mind expand to lay hold upon all that God has revealed, and to ponder upon it, as the ancient children of God did. Nephi says—“I ponder upon the things of God continually which he has revealed unto me,” 2 Ne. 4:16 and there is no harm for us to do the same. We should not get into that old sectarian notion, that we have no right to know anything about this, that or the other, and that we must not pry into this, that or the other. That is an old sectarian notion, which we have fought against all the day long, and we do not want it to creep into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It is the privilege of its members to let their minds expand, and to ponder upon the things of God, and to enquire of him, and by and by, when we have prepared ourselves by getting all the knowledge we possibly can from that which is written, God will give us more.

 

And they clapped their hands for JOY!

     In Mosiah, when Alma is converted as he listens and believes to the teachings of Abinadi, he continues to teach, in private, all those that believe.  He teaches about baptism and says in Mosiah 18: 10-11:

10 Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being baptized in the name of the Lord, as a witness before him that ye have entered into a covenant with him, that ye will serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you?

11 And now when the people had heard these words, they clapped their hands for joy, and exclaimed: This is the desire of our hearts.

     I love this!  I have experienced this kind of JOY in my life and have also witnessed others experience this joy.  

     When I was serving a mission in Milan, Italy, we met a girl named Stefania.  She had a boyfriend that was a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  She knew there was something "different" about him.  When she learned about the priesthood, she knew that was what set him apart from other young men his age.  When I was transferred to the area, she was already being taught the discussions.  She was a joy to be with, as she discovered who she had always been, a daughter of God.  

     The day of her baptism was beautiful.  After she was baptized, I was with her in the restroom and her face just radiated JOY.  She couldn't stop smiling.  She said, I just want to shout for JOY.  I said, then let's do it.  So, we jumped up and down and shouted  in pure joy.  She had just been baptized a member of Christ's church on the earth in the latter-days.  Her soul was rejoicing and her physical body did the same.  A physical way of expressing the feelings of her spirit.  It was an incredible thing to witness.  

     As I read these words in Mosiah, I knew exactly how they felt.  When I was deciding whether or not to serve a mission, I had an experience where receiving my "answer" gave me immense joy.  The short version, is I had fasted and prayed whether or not I should serve a mission, and a "voice came to my mind" fast Sunday after church as I was addressing an envelope and said, "I let you know..... I want you to go."  At that moment, tears came to my eyes and a huge smile.  There is something about knowing the "will of the Father" for you that brings immense peace and joy.

     I went the next Tuesday to talk to my bishop and as I was walking home ( I lived in Rexburg, Idaho) I was smiling so big and I felt like I might burst.  I felt as if I was walking on air.  

In Doctrine & Covenants 19 verse 16 it states, 

16 And now, if your joy will be great with one soul that you have brought unto me into the kingdom of my Father, how great will be your joy if you should bring many souls unto me!

      My sweet husband shared an explanation of this scripture that touched my soul and expanded my understanding.  He shared that on our missionhere on earth,  this scripture is first speaking about that "one soul" as us individually.  When we are converted our joy is full.  And then as we help bring others to the gospel, that joy increases tenfold.  

     President Nelson said, "Anytime you do anything that helps anyone -- on wither side of the veil --take a step toward making covenants with God and receiving their essential baptismal and temple ordinances, you are helping to gather Israel.

     I share this because when we do this, we experience JOY.  A few years ago I was at the temple receiving an endowment on behalf of a woman named Anne.  I was on the very front row, in the Jordan River Temple, of the session room.  I seriously had the biggest smile on my face.  So big that my cheeks began to ache.  I was very alert and just grinned and grinned the entire session.  Every time the ordinance worker would look my way he would smile, my smile was contagious.  About half way through the session, I had this thought, "Am I feeling this joy, because this is how she feels?"  I received a confirmation that that was the case.  That feeling lasted for about 4 days.  I was JOYOUS!  

    On the Sunday following,  I was leading a song in Relief Society, grinning big again and my daughter said someone leaned toward her and said, "Your mom is so happy."  She said, "Yeah, she had a special temple experience this week."

     This is what the gospel of Jesus Christ brings.  Pure JOY.  I wish that I could say that the majority of time I feel this.  But, that is not the case.  And that is okay.  2 Nephi 2:11 states:  For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my firstborn in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption nor incorruption, happiness nor misery, neither sense nor insensibility.

     I am so grateful for each of these experiences.  For the privilege to feel pain as well as joy.  I know that this JOY only comes through the power of Jesus Christ. What a beautiful gift to have the privilege to come to know Him and to feel of His love for us.  I know He lives.  I love Him.